and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
