I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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