I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
