Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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