and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
