and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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