I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
