He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
