What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
