if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
