that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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