You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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