I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
