You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
