we're chasing vodka with high fives
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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