dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
