forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
