we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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