so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
