I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
