He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
