I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
