i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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