you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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