Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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