So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
