You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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