i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
