you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
