Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
