you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
