Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
