Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
