Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
