Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
