i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
