just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
