i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
