we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
