Whod you bang
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
