with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Welp...herpes.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
