Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
