the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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