As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
