he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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