nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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