is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
no. you can't hotbox the world.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
