This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
