I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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