She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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