he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
