just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
