Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
